So Jezebel just posted an article on women who abstain from having kids. How fortuitous because I just had a conversation with my mom about my ~future~ and getting a successful Indian husband and getting married and not having sex before said marriage...I felt so weird during that whole conversation, and also angry and disappointed and sad.
My parents' friend, Ajeeta, has a beautiful daughter who is currently pregnant with her first child. She got married at 23 to a man who is involved with hedge funds and makes a boatload of $$$. I knew I was constantly getting compared to her, so when she and her husband came to visit, I had an inkling that I would be getting some kind of "talk."
Well, it happened just an hour ago. My mom asked me where I was applying. She said I should apply to places that had a lot of Indian people. We went into her bedroom because someone came over to talk to my dad. She began talking about Natasha (I was almost named that), Ajeeta's daughter. She was sort of rambling at this point, I think because she was a bit uncomfortable. She began talking about how Natasha went to a nurse because of something to do with a pre-nup. Her and her boyfriend at the time, Antal, had gone traveling. Ajeeta was afraid they had had sex, but the nurse informed her she was still a virgin.
At this point I was getting angry. My sex life (or lack thereof, at this point) is nobody's business. I will have sex when I want to. I hate the double standard imposed on my brother and I. They are okay if he has sex, as long as he is safe about it. I cannot have sex, because that's not what good girls do. What is the logic behind that?
So my mom rambled on about finding a good husband and whatnot, and then she flipped on the TV and began watching her soaps. She's never been good at talking about, really bringing up, important topics. I sat there awkwardly, and then left. I wanted to yell at her, ask her about Milap and his sex life and how it's okay for him to have sex. I stopped myself because it's none of her business and because she wouldn't understand.
And so I read this article on Jezebel about not having kids and I wrote a reply about how the decision is not based in biology (theories have included too much testosterone. Seriously, if a woman does anything "unladylike" is it always because she has too much testosterone?)
...
I think culture definitely plays a role in the decision-making. Making babies isn't a prerogative anymore, it isn't the goal, the reason for existing for women. We have more freedom to choose, to do the things we want, like work, make art, whatever.
My mom, who was born and grew up in India, once said to me that women were meant to have kids. I was kind of appalled, to say the least. While I wouldn't mind having my own kids and/or adopting, I still can't stand the idea that it's in our biology to procreate and have that be the only thing we ever do that's worthwhile. Especially in the year 2010.
This evening we had a talk about finding husbands and marriage. She said I should go to school where there were a lot of nice young Indian men. I was appalled again. I said that I don't want to pick a school just for that reason. I could have gone off on a rant about how I want to make something of myself and change the world for the better, but I had to remind myself of the cultural divide. I can't change her mind. My mom lives in a different world, a different era where women are meant to have babies and find good husbands as a way to be happy in life. I know better. I can find happiness in other ways. I know I don't need to have and raise kids to define my existence because I have other things to do that for me.
And I think that's what it comes back to. Whereas in the past, women had a narrow, limited way of defining and attaining happiness, we can now find it in a multitude of ways. I'm applying to public health schools this winter and I want to get involved in environmental health. I want to change how we look at the environment, and use my knowledge to help those who are most affected by pollutants and other chemicals. I want to write stories and publish them, I want to create art and sell my work. These are things that will make me proud of who I am and make me happy and content.
To me, there is no question as to why many women want to remain childless. If we have other ways to find happiness, if we don't have to accept the antiquated cultural mindset that bearing children is the only road to self-pride, love, and societal contribution, then why not?
Read more: http://jezebel.com/5643210/shockingly-not-every-woman-wants-to-procreate#ixzz107dVUioK
My parents' friend, Ajeeta, has a beautiful daughter who is currently pregnant with her first child. She got married at 23 to a man who is involved with hedge funds and makes a boatload of $$$. I knew I was constantly getting compared to her, so when she and her husband came to visit, I had an inkling that I would be getting some kind of "talk."
Well, it happened just an hour ago. My mom asked me where I was applying. She said I should apply to places that had a lot of Indian people. We went into her bedroom because someone came over to talk to my dad. She began talking about Natasha (I was almost named that), Ajeeta's daughter. She was sort of rambling at this point, I think because she was a bit uncomfortable. She began talking about how Natasha went to a nurse because of something to do with a pre-nup. Her and her boyfriend at the time, Antal, had gone traveling. Ajeeta was afraid they had had sex, but the nurse informed her she was still a virgin.
At this point I was getting angry. My sex life (or lack thereof, at this point) is nobody's business. I will have sex when I want to. I hate the double standard imposed on my brother and I. They are okay if he has sex, as long as he is safe about it. I cannot have sex, because that's not what good girls do. What is the logic behind that?
So my mom rambled on about finding a good husband and whatnot, and then she flipped on the TV and began watching her soaps. She's never been good at talking about, really bringing up, important topics. I sat there awkwardly, and then left. I wanted to yell at her, ask her about Milap and his sex life and how it's okay for him to have sex. I stopped myself because it's none of her business and because she wouldn't understand.
And so I read this article on Jezebel about not having kids and I wrote a reply about how the decision is not based in biology (theories have included too much testosterone. Seriously, if a woman does anything "unladylike" is it always because she has too much testosterone?)
...
I think culture definitely plays a role in the decision-making. Making babies isn't a prerogative anymore, it isn't the goal, the reason for existing for women. We have more freedom to choose, to do the things we want, like work, make art, whatever.
My mom, who was born and grew up in India, once said to me that women were meant to have kids. I was kind of appalled, to say the least. While I wouldn't mind having my own kids and/or adopting, I still can't stand the idea that it's in our biology to procreate and have that be the only thing we ever do that's worthwhile. Especially in the year 2010.
This evening we had a talk about finding husbands and marriage. She said I should go to school where there were a lot of nice young Indian men. I was appalled again. I said that I don't want to pick a school just for that reason. I could have gone off on a rant about how I want to make something of myself and change the world for the better, but I had to remind myself of the cultural divide. I can't change her mind. My mom lives in a different world, a different era where women are meant to have babies and find good husbands as a way to be happy in life. I know better. I can find happiness in other ways. I know I don't need to have and raise kids to define my existence because I have other things to do that for me.
And I think that's what it comes back to. Whereas in the past, women had a narrow, limited way of defining and attaining happiness, we can now find it in a multitude of ways. I'm applying to public health schools this winter and I want to get involved in environmental health. I want to change how we look at the environment, and use my knowledge to help those who are most affected by pollutants and other chemicals. I want to write stories and publish them, I want to create art and sell my work. These are things that will make me proud of who I am and make me happy and content.
To me, there is no question as to why many women want to remain childless. If we have other ways to find happiness, if we don't have to accept the antiquated cultural mindset that bearing children is the only road to self-pride, love, and societal contribution, then why not?
Read more: http://jezebel.com/5643210/shockingly-not-every-woman-wants-to-procreate#ixzz107dVUioK
